My World Is Shore Weird

 Ever since I’ve lived at Shorewood, it’s gotten harder and harder to leave.

When I lived on Addy Street I didn’t particularly like going out, but I stayed at home to avoid the outside world, not because I loved Addy Street.

But here… it’s like once I’ve found a safe place, I’m terrified to leave it!

It’s hard to leave to go to work, or game night at my aunt’s house, or to an activity with my autistic people group, or to anywhere. When I’m out, I feel an invisible rope tugging me back… or maybe it’s more like a slinky! 

At Shorewood I have the garden where I can color and eat peas and paint rocks and see my friends and sit in the sun and watch the birds splash in the bird bath. I can pace and rock and jump all I want. I have a field to explore full of interesting plants and rocks, and the tree swing, and Jae and a Chuck who are happy to be outside with me. I have my human being friends and my dog friends who are always happy to see me. The pond with the swans and the ducks, and the restaurant where everyone knows me and where I can go in any time it’s open.

I was alone for a really long time in the world and I always wished for a place like this… and now that I’m here, I’m afraid to turn my back on it!

I can go places with Chuck or Jae or Maggie and I feel safe when they’re with me, and the invisible slinky can stretch a little further without snapping me back. 

I get anxious when I can’t see my friends for a while, a few hours even, because when I can’t see them I feel like there’s no sky and no ground and I’m just floating away. 

Yesterday I took the bus to downtown Vancouver for the Pride festival, which we inexplicably celebrate in July here. I brought all of the Pride rocks I’ve been painting over the past month, and set them up.

Then I tried to walk around for a while, but I wasn’t sure what to do. There were booths where you could look at stuff or buy stuff, but I didn’t want to get too close to them because when people talk to me I sometimes can’t get words out of my throat. I just walked around for a while and I was invisible. After what seemed like a really long time, I texted Chuck and told him I wanted to come home. He said, “its only been half an hour!” 

He thought I’d want to stay longer because I’d been looking forward to it for a while. But the invisible slinky was snapping me back. So I walked back to the bus stop and took the bus back to Shoreweird , and I went to Chuck’s house and had a scrambled egg sandwich, and then we went outside in the garden, and in the field, and Jae came, and I saw some of my dog friends, and it was a really great day. And I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow, because I just want to stay here at Shoreweird because here is where I know I can be me and be safe. 

In other news, someone sent me a picture of one of my rocks that they found on the Max. I remember painting this one! They said they found it near Holliday Park and they were going to leave it near Berryfale. I don’t know where either of those places are, but I love when I hear from people who found a rock!